


He Wished He Could Forget

by youthful_yseult



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, Consensual Sex, F/M, First Time, Forbidden Love, Pseudo-Incest, Sexual Content, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 14:56:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6709507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youthful_yseult/pseuds/youthful_yseult
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xander remembered the precise moment he fell in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Wished He Could Forget

**Author's Note:**

> This is the most painful thing you will ever waste your time reading, and I'd like to apologize in advance.

Xander remembered the precise moment he fell in love.

He could remember what he heard - the swing of his blade coming to an abrupt halt as soon as distant sobs not even subdued in the slightest met his ears. It was the sound of sliding Siegfried back into its scabbard and hurriedly, clumsily unbuckling his weighted, clunky training armor, and his hurried footsteps to the source of the wails. When he reached Corrin’s door, he paused briefly before tapping on it for the sake of courtesy, but when no reply came through her tears, he abandoned his sense of decorum and pushed his way in, regardless.

He could remember what he saw - his little sister sitting up in her bed, knees tucked against her chest with her arms wrapped tightly around them, face red and buried in them. The sight made his stomach churn. Not her, of course - because, gods, she was so beautiful - but her countenance at the moment made him physically ill. Her tears were too much for him; he only wanted to see her delicate features light up like they had just earlier that morning when he had first arrived to visit before she slammed into him with a powerful hug - one that lingered a bit too long, or perhaps just seemed to because he was so hyper-aware of every second. Oh gods, that sensation of closeness, her scent, the fact that they were practically all alone in the Nohr Fortress together… 

It had made him so happy to see her smile - to smile because of him…and she certainly wasn’t a little girl like he remembered. She was a stunning young woman.

It had irked him in some odd way when she had grabbed his hands and pulled him around the fortress for a tour of the same castle he’d seen a hundred times before, but it had been so long, and she had just wanted to touch him. He had, for some reason, felt a bit sinful through it all. And finally, they’d had tea, courtesy of Jakob, and Corrin begrudgingly tore herself away from her adopted brother. She hadn’t wanted to let him go, but Xander had been feeling conflicted and guilty for what had crossed his mind and had needed some time alone to clear his head and think.

But they were together again now.

“Little princess…”

She only raised her eyes to see him and sniffled pitifully.

“Little princess, what’s gotten you like this?” he asked.

Though she didn’t respond to his question, she finally shifted, reaching her slender arms out for him.

He could remember what he felt - not butterflies, no, nor unfathomable joy, but something akin to humiliation, only much, much deeper. It was like some cruel joke the gods were playing at his expense. If the gods existed, they were laughing at him, he was sure. He’d never known genuine love before, and it was equal parts glorious and agonizing, just as it should be, and he knew it was real, and - and she was his little sister. At least, she was before - though he wasn’t sure he could ever look at her the same again.

After a brief moment’s hesitation, Xander decided couldn’t resist her outstretched arms, and so he met her embrace tentatively, resting on his knees on her bed. He tried so hard to push the thoughts about being on her bed like this far from his mind without much success. He was a horrible brother. His little princess was so clearly upset and she was crying against his chest, yet all he could think about was pinning her down giving her a raw, rough kiss, taking her bottom lip between his teeth and then trailing his tongue down to her neck, kissing and sucking and nibbling hard enough to leave a red mark for all to see - they would know then that she was his. Then ripping her nightgown open to reveal her soft, ivory breasts, fondling them to his heart’s content until her tears were gone, and then -

No.

Gods damn it all, she was his sister. It was his duty to protect her from men who saw her like this. 

Xander steeled himself, swallowing hard. "Corrin…I am always here for you. Please, can yoi tell me what has you so distraught?“ he asked, though he knew the answer. It was the same feeling with which he was all-too familiar.

She was lonely.

She continued to cling to him, silent, save her whimpers. Finally, she croaked, “You’ll leave me again tomorrow."

His heart shattered. She lied back, never letting go of him and as such dragging him down with her. He lied on his back, stiff and too uncomfortable for words, keeping one leg on the ground.

“You must understand that it is not my will to leave you here, but Father–”

“Please…” Her eyes were pleading with him and his only defense was refusing to meet her gaze. "Just stay with me as long as you can.“

He should have said no. Maybe he should have even told her why this was making him so uncomfortable. He was sure she would let him go then. She would look at him with the same level of disgust he was feeling at himself, and she would never hold him like this again, and he would deserve it…but then she would be safe. Despite the vitriolic emotions swirling inside of him, the crown prince’s face was still a stone mask. No matter how intimidating he had always seemed to essentially everyone else, she had always looked past that and saw only her kind-hearted elder brother.

Corrin ran her fingers through his hair, initially causing him to tense up even more, but eventually Xander managed to calm himself and meet her gaze.

“You’ll stay with me tonight, won’t you?” Her question was all that pierced the silence, and it hung in the air so powerfully it felt almost tangible.

Xander shifted. "That wouldn’t be…proper,“ he replied after a pause, barely keeping his voice from faltering as he felt her twist a lock of his hair around her finger. He shuddered.

"No one even has to know. I just…don’t want to be alone for a second longer than I have to be.”

Opening his mouth, Xander began, “I–” but abruptly stopped. Should he even try to object? After all, she wasn’t wrong, and it was inconceivable that he wouldn’t relent soon enough, no matter what. "Very well.“ 

Through her tears, Corrin smiled weakly at him. "Make yourself comfortable.” Xander didn’t know if that was possible. She tried to tug him further on her bed, but he didn’t budge at all. "Come on…you need your sleep, too.“

"I’m perfectly co–” He was interrupted by her pulling his heavy boots off without warning, and grabbing his leg - gods, the feeling of her delicate hands on his thigh like that… She had no idea what she was getting into.

“There! Isn’t that better?”

In spite of the situation, Xander couldn’t help but soften his features, even if only slightly, at her big, bright grin. She removed his circlet and placed it tentatively on her own head with a little giggle as all traces of her sadness began to fade.

“You really are…quite adorable.” Damn. He shouldn’t have said anything.

“Uh? Thank you!” She hugged his arm and - oh gods, what was she thinking? She wrapped her leg around his, so that her thigh - her bare thigh - was on his, only separated by the thin material of the leggings. This was sick - this was probably his punishment for feeling the way he did. She had her face buried in his chest, and looked up at him with a smile. "I think you are too.“

Adorable? That was a new one.

It had been so chilly just outside the fortress where he had just been to train, yet she felt so warm against his arm. He didn’t know how. Her nightgown was made of such a thin, light material it was practically translucent. He could clearly make out all of her curves, the precise shape of her breasts - soft against his arm.

She shifted a bit, adjusting her leg against his thigh, lightly brushing his groin. That was enough. Or rather, it wasn’t enough, but it was definitely far too much. Xander pushed himself up abruptly. "Corrin…I must be going. You should rest, as well.” When she eyed him pitifully, he continued, “Just because I’m not at arm’s length doesn’t mean you are alone… In any case, the others should arrive tomorrow. Leo, Camilla, Elise… Surely you’ll find solace in their company, as well.”

“But…” she began weakly. "It’s different with you. I wanted to spend time with you and to be close to you. It’s not the same if you’re in another room.“

"I’m flattered, but for what possible reason is that?”

“I just…” She averted his gaze, staring down at her hands, afraid to meet with the sight of Xander’s lips, tightly pursed as ever, or a look of disapproval. "I want to touch you.“ 

Why did _he_ feel so shameful? She had said it. Surely he had misunderstood. Her intentions had been entirely chaste from the start, hadn’t they? This was his twisted and sleep-deprived mind misinterpreting the words of his little sister and nothing more. In the morning, everything would be back to normal again, wouldn’t it? "I love you more than anyone else.”

This was the moment. The dreaded moment. His heart didn’t leap for joy at the realization of this love, but it sank. It sank deep into the pit of his stomach.

“Little princess…” That was it. He had nothing further to add, but it still felt like an interruption when she kissed him without warning. It was apparent she was scarcely sure what to do, but her lips were soft - oh gods they were so soft…

Xander knew he should have pulled away right then and there. He should have explained to her that this would greatly wound their relationship in the long-run. He should have at least told her that he cared so deeply for her, he felt she deserved more respect than a tawdry affair with a lech she would never truly be able to wed. He should have reminded her more why this couldn’t work - that he would have to take a queen someday and produce an heir, and it could never be her - and considering he was already well in his twenties, that would most likely have to be sooner rather than later. He should have done anything other than cup her face in his hands and deepen the kiss.

_Should._

But he didn’t.

There was an element of rawness, of roughness, of rudeness to his lips that overtook Corrin’s timidity and caught them both completely off-guard. When Xander finally broke the kiss, a slight sigh escaped her lips as they parted from his. By the time he’d regained his bearing, Corrin had already begun dutifully unbuttoning his shirt, and he was almost done fighting.

Corrin ran her fingers across her brother’s now-bare chest, tracing the indentations of his taut muscles. He grabbed her wrists in his hands, holding them in place, but he could only bring himself to imperatively insist, “Stop me.”

“Mm-mm.”

She pulled her wrists free, but only for a moment before a single large, calloused hand pinned them both over her head. "So be it.“ He kissed her again with more desperation, his lips trailing down to her neck, then collarbone. Her sheer nightgown had to go. Xander eased its straps over her shoulders and slid the thin material down her lithe frame. 

"Ah…”

Corrin squirmed beneath him, face bright red, but her eyes were beseeching. Next, the Nohrian prince focused in on her breasts, now bare before him, and he released her wrists for long enough to thoroughly knead them. He paused briefly, then slid his hand down to her thigh.

Corrin let out a small squeal. Though her head was swimming, she steeled herself and unbuckled his trousers and pulled them a bit further down. Reaching through his undergarments, she gingerly grasped him. He made a sound like sucking air in sharply through clenched teeth. She had caught him by surprise - perhaps he hadn’t expected his little princess to be so bold, but he certainly welcomed it.

“Corrin, I can’t restrain myself for much longer.”

“Then don’t,” she responded without an inkling of hesitation, her voice barely above a whisper.

He shifted, and she could feel his length pressing against her thigh, and Xander was hyper-aware that all that separated him now from her sex was the thin material of her smallclothes. He hooked his thumbs in their waistband and yanked them down, exposing her to him completely, before running his finger down her slit. She was dripping wet…

Xander positioned himself just at her entrance, looking to her a final time for consent. She was blushing furiously, but she gave him a small nod. 

“Are you certain? This can’t be undone.” He didn’t want to be considerate anymore; in times like these, it was painful to be a gentleman. He hoped and prayed to whatever gods were watching that she didn’t change her mind.

“Please.” That was all she said. Her brother’s gaze was so intense, she wasn’t sure she could have added to that, even if she wanted to. Her soul was as bare before him as her body.

Gods damn it all! He couldn’t think logically when she was beneath him, completely naked, begging for him like this. Xander offered a final warning: "You are going to regret this.“

She was sure she wouldn’t. Corrin opened her mouth to argue, but she was interrupted by him finally sliding himself in her, and her words left her. The only sound she could muster was his name, gently exhaled on her breath - that she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. "Xan…der…”

It took her a few minutes to adjust to his size, but he lavished the sensitive skin of and around her breasts with enough kisses to distract her from the initial discomfort. After another good thrust, Xander paused and positioned her legs so that they were wrapped tightly around him. 

He’d started out gently, but he had hastened his pace. All Corrin could do was dig her nails into his back and bite her lips to stifle her moaning, but he kissed her - he kissed her HARD, his tongue shoving its way into her mouth and exploring the inside, her moans escaping into his lips. He tasted a bit like ale, she thought.

He did not relent, either. He continued thrusting hard into her until Corrin realized she was rapidly approaching her limit. "X-Xander, I’m…aanhh!“ she began, but found herself unable to formulate a more coherent sentence. He bit her neck - not hard enough to draw blood but enough to leave his mark. In that moment, he didn’t care who knew she was his. In that moment, it didn’t matter if they could never be. In that moment, any repercussions seemed too far, far away to matter. Because in that moment they were together. She moaned in ecstasy beneath him, her own hips subconsciously rocking along with him. 

Her sounds pushed him over the edge, and Xander released inside her before abruptly halting. He paused there for a moment, still firmly impaled in her, and glanced down at her sweet face, stroking her cheek before sliding out of her and lying beside her. He wrapped his arm around her protectively and held her tight against his chest with the sort of silent desperation bourne only of knowing they might not get a chance to do this again. 

Neither of them spoke another word, but Corrin felt his hot breath at her neck until she fell asleep. 

~~~

Some nights feel like they last forever. Unfortunately, this was not one of them. One second, Xander was holding her in his arms, intent on never letting go, and the next…it was morning. And the others would be getting there soon, he knew. Begrudgingly, Xander sat up on her bed and took only a brief moment to admire his sister’s sleeping face before getting dressed. He drew a quill and inkwell from the drawer in her desk and scribbled a note that was more an apology than a declaration of love. He was just about to leave without having to face her again, but–

"Xander…?” her tired voice croaked. Corrin was rubbing the sleep out of her eyes quickly, but then she fixed her gaze sharply on him again. "Are you going now? You could at least stay for breakfast and maybe do some training with me, or–“

He swallowed hard. "No,” he said flatly. "I have duties to attend to in Nohr’s capitol.“ He hated himself at this moment. He wanted to climb back in that bed with her and hold her for as long as she wanted. He wanted to spend the day with her and train with her, make small talk with her, have tea with her, indulge her in every way. But he knew that each second he lingered, it would be harder to pull himself away.

That was it. She didn’t call after him - which he was both thankful for and a bit upset over, but he could feel her pleading eyes staring into him as he left. In fact, he felt them for hours after he was long-gone. Hell, he felt them until the next time he came to visit and she refused to look at him when they spoke.

Xander remembered the precise moment his heart broke, too.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to apologize in closing, as well. Notify me of any mistakes.


End file.
